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Ambitions and Chronic Illness

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Like any other 29 year old I have hopes, dreams and expectations of what my life should be like. Most of these ideas and expectations have come about since I became ill four years ago. Until then I was just plodding along with life. I left school before my sixteenth birthday and have mainly worked in admin roles which left plenty of time, and just enough money, for fun; shopping, baking, gardening and evenings out.

Chronic illness means I now spend most of my time at home with more time than ever to think about what I really want my future to hold. I started an Open University degree in politics, started this blog, and realised I’d like to run my own little business.

I’ve always been a stationery addict. I blame my mom and her pencil collection! After much thought, chewing the ears of my wife, friends and family, I decided I wanted to try and start and online stationery business, with a stall a few weekends at my local market in Brighton too. This would fit around my day job and maybe bring in a little extra income in addition to my part time wages.  The hope in the long run was that in a few years maybe I’d be able to reduce my working hours and be able to work from home, giving me a little more flexibility with my illness. If I was too sore to get dressed, then I could work in my pyjamas. If I’d had a bad night, I could pack orders later on in the day. No set nine to five and no travelling would make my life much less exhausting.

But there have been many hurdles. This year my health has worsened, and trying to plan and set a business up, live with chronic fatigue and pain and work a thirty hour week is completely impossible. Throw my degree into the mix. No way was this going to work.  Attending tutorials, trade shows, conferences and networking events was completely draining. I’ve had to take the tough decision to defer my studies for a year and put the business trinnys.co.uk on a back burner.

In one way I feel lucky to have had the time to realise what I really want to do with my life and notice that opportunities for people like me really are out there. If I hadn’t become ill, would I have realised what I wanted to do, or would I have just continued plodding along nine to five in a dead end job that I hated? I need to stop agonising over the potential future I may have lost through illness and focus on the present. For me that means spending the next few months learning to manage my illness as well as possible. This will involve routines, addressing sleeping problems, rest breaks and most importantly I feel, pacing. Hopefully I’ll be able to merge my studies into my routine next autumn and maybe one day, my little business too.

 

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