It’s been a tough few weeks, a tough 2016 in fact, health wise and stress wise. I won’t bore you all with what’s happened but it’s made a scary flare up of ME symptoms bubble over the top and pour into my life, ruining just about any plans I had. Many days have been spent completely resting as I’ve been too unwell to do much at all, plans with friends repeatedly cancelled and it’s just been me and the cat while my wife seems to work endless hours in her job as a train conductor.
I’ve been accepted onto an NHS CFS/ME management course which takes place every second Wednesday until July. There’s only been two groups so far but already I know this is exactly what I need to sort my life out. I’ve connected and made friends with people who ‘get’ me, who understand what’s really going on when I say I’m exhausted, and the people who run the group are fantastic. The ins and outs of the group are for another blog post, when I’m feeling well enough to go into all the great stuff we’re learning and remembering, but the main point they keep drumming into us is to be kind to ourselves. And finally, this has made me listen.
I’m currently on a short break in between jobs, and ordinarily this would have made me turn into a a crazy woman, feeling I need to justify what I do with my time off, doing something I deem to be ‘useful’. But instead I’m resting. I’m working my way through some courses by Susannah Conway and flicking back through her book as her influence really revolves around the fact it’s ok to be doing what I’m doing, it’s ok to be kind to myself.
I’m resting lots, I’m stretching and meditating with crystals in spots of sunshine that briefly pop into my basement flat, I’m trying to eat as much fruit and veg as possible and stay away from the sweets and my beloved crisps. But if I slip up, it’s ok, it happens, and tomorrow is a new day. A new day for my morning kitty cuddles, to put on my new Kalula Colour Therapy Jewellery, for my enormous breakfast mug of tea, to catch a brief ray of sunshine. It’s ok.
I’m trying to take a photo or two everyday, even if I don’t leave the house, to capture my all the things that are good in my days and weeks of trying to recover. My cat obviously features in a lot of them as she’s always by my side. But there’s shots of brand new notebooks, treats that I ordered from America a few weeks ago that have started to arrive, bits and pieces I have found given to me by my wonderful grandma in the months before she passed away last autumn, endless cups of English Breakfast and Pukka Ginger Tea…
I suppose this blog is something I want to be able to look back on when I’m having a bad day, a bad hour, feeling guilty for resting or not leaving the house.
So lovely readers, remember, always be kind to yourself, it’s ok.